17 01 16

Antin, i never knew what time it was

about two years ago elly and i deci­ded we nee­ded a new mat­tress        or maybe elly deci­ded it        because i didnt pay much atten­tion to the        pro­blem        we had an old mat­tress wed had it for years and the sales­man        wed bought it from had assu­red us it would last us a life­time        and it        was get­ting older and lum­py or lum­py in some places and hol­lo­wed out        in others and        i just assu­med it was part of a nor­mal pro­cess of aging        it was get­ting older we were get­ting older and wed get used to it        but        elea­nor has a bad back and she was get­ting des­pe­rate to get rid of        this mat­tress        loyal­ly        that had lived with us for such a long time and so        that i thought i knew all its high points and low points        its emi­nences and pit­falls        and i was sure        that at night my body wor­ked its way care­ful­ly around the lumps        dod­ging the pre­ci­pices        and moving to soli­der ground whe­ne­ver it could

but maybe elea­nor        sleeps more hea­vi­ly than i do        i have a fee­ling that i spent much of        my life at night avoi­ding the pit­falls of this mat­tress that i was used        to        and it was a skill id acqui­red over the ten or fif­teen years of this        mat­tress’ life        so i felt there was no rea­son to get rid of this mat­tress        that had been pro­mi­sed to us by a sales­man who said it would last the        rest of our lives        i figu­red we were going to live long lives i didnt        think we were anyw­here close to dying        so nei­ther was the mat­tress        but elea­nor kept waking up with backaches

still i figu­red it was a good mat­tress and that elly just didnt have        enough skill at avoi­ding the lumps        mat­tress was at fault        it never occur­red to me that the        so i didnt do any­thing        and elly didnt do        any­thing because shes not into consu­mer pro­ducts and hates to go        shop­ping        but by the end of a year elly convin­ced me        because she has a sen­si­tive back and i dont        that she had a more accu­rate        unders­tan­ding of this busi­ness than i did        so i said sure elea­nor        lets get a new mat­tress        were rebuil­ding the house        as long as were going to have a new house        we may as well have a new mat­tress        but elea­nor said how will i know its a good one        i dont want to get        ano­ther mat­tress that gets hol­lo­wed and lum­py and gives me backaches        when i wake up        how will i know how to get a good one

i said well open the yel­low pages and well look up mat­tresses and        the­rell be seve­ral places that sell them        point a fin­ger at one of these places        and ill close my eyes and        and it will be a place that has        lots of mat­tresses where we can make a choice as to what consti­tutes        a good one by lying on them

now elly real­ly knew that you cant just walk into a place and buy        a mat­tress        she knows this about ame­ri­can consu­mer goods        and she knows that these places would be equip­ped with rich delu­sio­nal        capa­bi­li­ties wha­te­ver they might be

we would go to a great ware­house with sub­dued ligh­ting where        they played som­ni­fe­rous music that encou­ra­ged you into res­t­ful        com­fort while people would be heard tal­king in hushed voices wal­king        about exa­mi­ning the mat­tresses or tes­ting them by gent­ly recli­ning on        them        “oh are you buying that one        my aunt syl­vie had one just        like it and prac­ti­cal­ly lived on it”

thats a won­der­ful mat­tress        my uncle eve­rett suf­fe­red for        years from lum­ba­go that never let him sleep        and slept like a baby ever since”        she knows that these places would be equip­ped with rich delu­sio­nal        he bought that mat­tress        “my aunt agnes had asth­ma and        she used to wake up eve­ry hour gas­ping for breath        slee­ping on that mat­tress she sleeps like a log        since shes been        she rises fresh eve­ry        mor­ning and plays three sets of ten­nis eve­ry after­noon        and shes        seven­ty-three”

[…]

we drive out to the one on mira­mar        and its in one of those        lit­tle malls with a viet­na­mese res­tau­rant a shoe store and an aero­bic        stu­dio for women        and theres a big emp­ty loo­king sto­re­front that says        THE MATTRESS WAREHOUSE        its encou­ra­ging i say        theres a big truck out­side filled with        mat­tresses        elly says yes        but the place looks as blank as a tire store        it doesnt look very impres­sive        i said well        the mat­tresses are all        lying down on the floor and youre loo­king in the win­dow

so i get her into the store and we start loo­king around trying to        figure out where to start        and there is a help­ful lit­tle man        an        elder­ly irish­man with fre­ckles and gray hair and very laid back and he        wants to know if he can help us

can you tell me where the bet­ter mat­tresses are asks elea­nor
it all depends on what you want my dear
i want some­thing elea­nor says thats firm but com­for­table
no i said        elea­nor you want it to be more than firm        eve­ry        time you talk to me about a mat­tress you want it to be hard because        youre afraid youll sink into it

[…]

but what if its the wrong one she said        well get used to it i said        but serious­ly she said        what if its the wrong one ?        i said what would be the right one ?        elea­nor for­get it        it doesnt mat­ter        you know what luther said when he was confron­ted by the        dis­ciple who wan­ted to know what to do if he wasnt sure whe­ther or not        he was in a state of grace ?        he said “sin bra­ve­ly”        i said dam­mit we        dont know if we got the right mat­tress we dont know if we got the right        mix­mas­ter        we dont know if we got the right any­thing        theres no way        to know        let us live cheer­ful­ly in our igno­rance        and we went home        

[…]

so now were slee­ping on the great mat­tress that elea­nor selec­ted        so care­ful­ly for us        and she still has back troubles        but theyre not as        bad as the ones she used to have        so either this is the best pos­sible        mat­tress for her and for us        or not        and this is the situa­tion that i        think best des­cribes our post­mo­dern condi­tion        i believe in taking des­cartes’ advice        if youre lost in a forest and you        have no idea which way to go        with res­pect to which        go for it straight ahead        its not like­ly to be any worse than any­thing else

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« the theo­ry and prac­tice of post-moder­nism » i never knew what time it was
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p. 1–10