The self without sym­pa­the­tic attach­ments is either a fic­tion or a luna­tic…. [Yet] depen­dence is scor­ned even in inti­mate rela­tion­ships, as though depen­dence were incom­pa­tible with self-reliance rather than the only thing that makes it pos­sible. (Adam Phillips / Barbara Taylor)

I lear­ned this scorn from my own mother ; per­haps it laced my milk. I the­re­fore have to be on the alert for a ten­den­cy to treat other people’s needs as repul­sive. Corollary habit : deri­ving the bulk of my self-worth from a fee­ling of hyper­com­pe­tence, an irra­tio­nal but fervent belief in my near total self-reliance.